Friday, September 26, 2008

the rewards of consistency

I grew up in a home where manners were not only important they were expected. My Grandma tells the story of my brother asking for something when he was very young. The conversation goes something like this:

Scott: Can I have a cookie?
Grandma: I can't hear you. (one of the standard cues for us to say please)
Scott: (a little louder) Can I have a cookie?
Grandma: I can't hear you.
Scott: (a little louder again) Can I have a cookie?
Grandma: I can't hear you.
Scott: (frustrated and now yelling) Can I have a cookie?
Grandma: I can't hear you.
Scott: Grandma, why can't you hear me?
Grandma: (gathers my brother into a huge bear hug and explains as best she can through her tears of laughter)

I love this story and think of it often as I try to teach my young children manners. I started before they could even please, thank you, and the often neglected you're welcome. If they wanted something I would always work in the words I wanted them to eventually say.

Fast forward to them actually being able to say the words. Sam and Ben both picked up on the concept quickly and was soon saying please when I prompted him to. Carlee is a natural at manners, her first word was thankyou! I continued my "training" and was soon rewarded with the odd unpromted please from Sam. Of course Ben & Carlee are not even two yet so my expectations are slightly lower for unpromted words of manners.

However, yesterday I had a moment of pure joy as I watched and heard the results of my consistency. Sam is almost 3 and Ben & Carlee are almost 2 so I have added in some words. Here is how our lunch progressed.

Sam: I want more cucumber
Mama: How do you ask nicely?
Sam: Please
Mama: I'm sorry but the cucumber is all gone (at the same time noticing that Ben & Carlee have not touched theirs and Ben likely won't at all)
Sam: Please can I have more cucumber?
Mama: Well I told you that the cucumber is all gone so I cannot get you anymore, but maybe if you ask Ben nicely he would share with you.
Sam: Ben can I have your cucumber please
Ben: (No response as he is very busy shoveling in the meatloaf)
Sam: (walks over to Ben's chair) Ben! cucumber please
Ben: (gives Sam the cucumber)
Sam: Thank you Ben!
Ben: You're Welcome
Carlee: (hands Sam her cucumber across the table) Please Sam!
Sam: Thank you Carlee!
Carlee: You're Welcome!
Mama: (almost in tears) What wonderful manners you all have today
Sam: Mama, you happy?
Mama: Yes Sam, I am very happy when you have suchnice manners
Sam: You're Welcome Mama!

How great is that! I will cherish this memory for a long time. And I will need to because about 5 minutes after lunch was over Ben&Sam were fighting over a truck for the thousandth time!

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